Holy. So all my mates had their hair shaved off. Poor lil things. I insisted on having my hair kept on my head for personal reasons.

My hair can act as a protective shield against enemies. Crazy idea right? Let's look at it this way. If I had headlice (HUGE ONES) living in my dense forest of hair, the enemies would retreat upon knowing that I'd spread the headlice to them. You'd never know when headlice becomes wonderful jungle warfare. I could even try coming up with some sorta special head lice that is able to kill like the SARS virus. Cool.

My bunkmates are all calling up their girls now. In order not to let my bunkmates find out that I'm girl-less (I'm seriously detested by girls), I rang up my mum and pretended to be lovey-dovey (calling her by her first name instead of 'mummy') for almost an hour. Sad case I know.

I sent Smses to my own phone at a gonzales rate. Thus, my bunkmates were envious when they heard my phone beeping like crazy.

Before I head to bed, I would like to take this opportunity here to apologise to Stephanie and Jamie for all the bad things I've done to them for the past 20 years. Sorry Stephanie and Jamie. You two are the most BEAUTIFUL, SLIM, HOT, SWEET, NICE, (INSERT EVERYTHING NICE AND GOOD HERE) girls I've ever met. I promise to intro many wonderful bunkmates to you when I come out.

But again, you sure you want these botak men? They are smelly.

I've taken a queue number from both of you and would promise to wait till you girls are old and dying before marrying you girls to fulfill your last wishes.

I better head to bed before the Sir points a rifle at my head and sends me off to FLLL (Forever La La Land).

Good night,
RAYNER THE WORLD'S MOST BASTARDEST PERSON.