Sean was telling me today how limited games we had in our computer. So fine I told him to go download a few new games but make sure it's not some virus or anything. DANG, I got home only to find myself looking at a blue screen. Says some shit about not being able to start up the computer. Well, I really am tired of lecturing him as I believed he can think on his own.

Later that evening, you told me I could go to your house and use your computer. I felt that it isn't a really nice thing do to as it will bring inconvinience to you. But you sound so hospitable and seem so sincere in inviting me over to use your computer. I was pleasantly surprised by you, yes you!

Me: If I use your computer than what you use?
Friend: Dear Rayner, You can use my laptob, I can use my com or I can even sleep.

That was defintely something very nice to know, really.
But I feel pretty guilty at times if people keep treating me so nicely. It makes me feel that they are actually offering more than what I can do for them.
Later that night sean smsed me.

Sean: Sorry man I screwed the fucking com

At that point of time I could only smile and know that is my brother. Okay so now here I am in my school lab once again all ready to play cs! Hiaks.

bloody irritating
Friday, November 24, 2006

It's annoying when there are just certain things you need to let out but you just can't seem to. The balloon in you just gets bigger doesn't it? It expands futher the longer you keep it in you. I wish I can just freaking use my hands and force it down my throat or ass to remove that balloon right now. Maybe the size of it might shrink after a while, or maybe it'll just go boom anytime soon. Whatever it is, I wish it gets out of me soon. The word "fuck" is just so damn good to describe this kinda shitty scenario I'm in now. I must thank the one who created that word, it makes me feel better after saying it.

posted by Rayner who killed a lamb again at 11:17 PM

Paper love
Monday, November 20, 2006

It's just that piece of paper or is it not? The passport to a safe and secure career of yours. We're all just working so hard to earn it but really, is it worth?

I kinda agree that birds of a feather flock together. Those who are studying in polytechnics tend to hang out with one another. And those who are drop outs tend to stick around with one another. There's no good or bad, but only the academic difference. Who says only when you're rich or smart then you'll be happy?

I saw something the other day. It's my friend and his girl. They're really such a perfect couple. The teasing and laughter they exchanged with one another made me soft. I don't know why, maybe it's something I haven't felt in a long time. But still, it kinda point out something to me. They weren't rich nor the-study-material-kind. Many would think that they face a pretty tough future ahead. But one thing they had is one another. I guess that's what kept them going and keeping a positive outlook towards the unknown future. They'll manage and I defintely hope they'll last. And there's something about them which I really like, their cute little tummies. HAHA.

I still think love is blind though. Hiaks.

posted by Rayner who killed a lamb again at 8:13 PM

When I fall sick
Saturday, November 18, 2006

Symptoms of me having a flu:

Usually I will have a sore throat followed by the rest of the following symtoms.
(Its not such a bad thing, It gets me mentally prepared.)

I get a bad running nose. Sometimes the left hole might have "goodies" whereas the right one doesn't have any. (I'm BIAS that's why. HAHA.)

I tear all the time. Meaning it seems I am crying! (I don't know why but I like it. So that can attract people to take care of me eh.)


But still, for whatever symptoms I am suffering from, there's still mommy to be there for me. She made this honey lemon drink for me. It's damn sour, but the warm love that came with it made the drink taste so sweet.
The cup I drive from is pretty big man. I pray none of my goodies drips into it while I drink!

posted by Rayner who killed a lamb again at 12:17 PM

That's my dad
Friday, November 10, 2006

All parents would defintely love their children. But it's usually the case that the children doesn't seem to see or feel the love that their parents are showing.

He is my living legacy. The accomplishments he has made, the important values of life he has taught me made him the man I respect most. I want to follow his footsteps, every one of it that he took that made him who he is today. And I'm proud to say "That's my dad."

He is a car lover. He washes it almost every week and takes really good care of it.
Few days back, I was driving his car when I scratched his car rim pretty badly. I felt guilty and a little frightened. I was defintely expecting a lecture from him. I told him the following morning and to my surprised, he didnt say much at all. Is it because I am his son?

I overheard this morning between a conversation between my parents. My dad was sort of complaining that his petrol costs have been going up higher cause I have been driving the car often. I kind of expected him to give me a lecture but again to my surprise he didnt say a word at all. Nothing at all. It's like one moment he is complaining to my mom about me using the car often, and the next moment when he sees me he choose not to let me know how he is feeling about it.

That's my dad. I don't know how he does it but it's just magic. And as the years go by, I begin to love him more and more. The things he has done for me made me feel like the luckiest son alive. And to my dad, a very big thank you for the undying love I have always been showered upon. I love you and I always will.

Love is quite a beautiful thing isn't it? You do something for that someone without expecting gratitude back. And when that someone finds out what you have done for him/her, that feeling is flawless.

posted by Rayner who killed a lamb again at 6:04 PM

MY HAIR
Saturday, November 04, 2006

Got out of a hair saloon thinking my hair is shit. It really is, cause my spikes are all equal. It really is ugly.
Later that night I got home and washed up. I look myself into the mirror with my hair dried. IT'S A BLOODY JOKE. I'm like 'NOOOOOOOOOO.'
I look like some china boy with equal length of hair on the top. Looks like an overgrown botak head. I so hate it and I'm so not going back there. And oh that lady still gave me her name card! How sweet, I'll probably spam her inbox and tell her I'm her dead boyfriend from hell. Damn it!
No, this isn't an entry. This is shit.

posted by Rayner who killed a lamb again at 10:56 PM

Missing
Wednesday, November 01, 2006

Have you ever woke up from sleep and missing someone so badly? It's funny cause that didn't happen to me once nor twice, but many times already on different people. That feeling somewhat made me vulnerable, I didn't felt good and just wanted sometime alone. Why? Maybe cause you were easy to lose. Ironically that kinda feeling usually don't last, after a while it just fades away.


Well, you came and you left. That's part and parcel of life isn't it? BUT, you came back. This time I don't know how long you'll be here, I really don't.
Sometimes at that certain point of time I really do mean what I say, really do. After sometime, it just irks me cause I start to ponder if it's really true.


Cause obviously,
She's out of my leeague,
I'm wastin' my time
Cause she'll never be mine
I know I never will be good enough for her.
No, no
Never will be good enough for her.

posted by Rayner who killed a lamb again at 7:14 PM